She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
