I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
