so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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