He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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