I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
