I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
