I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
