Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
