she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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