Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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