She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
