Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
