I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i think my cat just said my name.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
