We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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