Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
