I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
