ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
