Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
