Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
