the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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