My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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