just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
