Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
