i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
