There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
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Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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