i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
