my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
4 words: hood of his car
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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