need another drink. this is the easiest way
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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