??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
