I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
