Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
