Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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