I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
