I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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