Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
