Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
4 words: hood of his car
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
