Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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