Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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