i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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