just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
