Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ladies don't puke and tell
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
