I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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