I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
