The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me