So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?