I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.