dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
