so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
