So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
