wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize