after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
