I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
