i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
