xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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