The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
