She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
