i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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