I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
