I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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