No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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