Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
