Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
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mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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