I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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