I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
