I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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