If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
