did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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