i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
