I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
